Student Stereotypes: Which One Are You?

“You’ve only had two coffees today? I’VE HAD FIVE!” Oh, we’re sorry; we didn’t realize liking coffee was a competition. Just two months ago, before starting university, the coffee addict pronounced espresso with an ‘x’ and denounced its bitterness, but now his/her triple-shot venti macchiato is all s/he can talk about. If this is you, our advice would be to cut down and to stop talking about your caffeine issues to anyone who feigns interest because: a) you’re a student now and coffee is expensive, b) nobody likes people who go on about their vices all day, and c) you’re so wired that you’ve started to go a little bit cross eyed.

You’ll probably come into contact with the obnoxiously loud one sometime at 3am through the paper-thin walls of your student abode in the form of a Skrillex bass line (the obnoxiously loud ones don’t always have bad taste in music, but when they do it’s probably electro-house). Little do they care that it’s Wednesday night and dissertation season; their love of loud music makes them forget all else. These students should invest in noise-canceling headphones immediately or be prepared to spend the rest of their days as the most secretly resented person on campus.

Although sharing some similar traits to the previous student type, the party animal is actually a totally different breed. To be found at any pub/club/event within a five-mile radius of campus, the party animal (alternatively known as the BNOC – Big Name on Campus) has a big case of FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) that will inevitably lead to bad grades, worried parents and an eternal hangover. The party animal sees university as one huge celebration and when not out getting the shots in, s/he will be planning the next Facebook event in his/her dimly lit room full of stolen traffic cones and hundreds of tired-looking glow sticks. Admittedly befriending the party animal will make your university experience an eventful one, but ultimately it’s likely that s/he will end up dropping out before reenrolling and doing exactly the same the following year. Make sure you don’t too get drawn into their antics.

Although they’ve had seven months to prepare, research, write, and hand in their final 10,000 word assignment, these students still find themselves with six days left before deadline and the majority of work left unwritten. The one that leaves everything to the last minute will have a brilliant university experience… at least, that is, until that mammoth end of term deadline rears its ugly head. You’ll come across these students hunched over a laptop in the darkest, smelliest corner of the library, surrounded by crumpled cans of Red Bull and an aura of intense anxiety. These ones make terrible friends come end of term as, while their fellow classmates are busy celebrating a successfully met deadline with their friends at the student union/ local park/ on a beach getaway, they’ll be too busy sleeping off the most stressful week of their life, nursing a neck crick and an energy drink-induced stomach ulcer, which is no fun for anyone.

Likely to turn up for lectures in a onesie and Uggs, the sleeper is that student who can never seem to keep his/her eyelids open for more than two minutes. When not web-diagnosing themselves with narcolepsy, they can be found slumped against a desk, idly picking their noses with a pen instead of making notes. The sleeper means well; after all, they turned up, which is more than you can say for the party animal, but it’s hard to do group work with the person who drooled all over their textbook and keeps nodding off in student-led “thought showers”.  Although they might appear harmless and doe-eyed, in order not to fall behind in class the sleeper needs to get a regular wakeup call and a better sleeping pattern.

An amalgamation of all the previous student stereotypes listed; the typical student is a bit of a slob, will occasionally sleep in until gone midday, will sometimes play his/her music a fraction too loud, might mention that gap year a few more times than strictly necessary (it was life-changing after all), will sometimes forget his/her notes and will probably embarrass themselves on a night out at least once within the first week of starting university. The typical student is probably you. But that’s okay because it’s also the majority of students. And, as long as you know how annoying some of your quirks can be before starting university, then it’ll be easy to make sure that you don’t get stuck being categorized as student stereotypes numbers one through seven.

Which student type are you? Have you spotted any of these student stereotypes, or have any others to add to the list? Share your experience by leaving a comment below.